A reader wrote in this week with a question that deserves a serious answer, so here is an unserious one.
Our standard approach involves a threat level of always elevated, followed by patrols that begin at 3 AM sharp, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
Experts agree that a threat level of always elevated is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.
The old guard prefers a siren pitched to break glass and morale. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.
That is all for now. We are told there is a sunbeam going to waste, and a professional never lets that happen.
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